With Pleasure: Strengthening Relationships In & Out of the Bedroom

Dana Sarhan (MSc, MFT) Photo KAMSYN 


Pleasure involves an act of completely letting go, a challenge in today’s modern world. The root of passion, to surrender control and experience fueled emotions and heightened senses, is directly related to how comfortable and connected you are to your emotions and EQ, in and out of the bedroom.

Turning Pleasure Up a Notch

By breaking down pleasure into its basic components, you can understand that the true act of feeling pleasure, or experiencing it, is not random and spontaneous, but rather requires constant refinement and fine-tuning. It’s letting yourself drown in the holy waters of your own temple fueled with passion. It’s an Art, and we back it by science.

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Photos Dana Sarhan

When passion shifts from specific moments into a general lifestyle, you learn to channel your emotions into prolonged creativity through everything you do. Likewise, your perception of your body will shift into a sensual collection of organs rather than a mere tool. You start using every part of your body, emotions, senses, and thoughts. Desire stops being just a temporary drive. Your experience of your relationship, your body, your sexuality and your orgasms will transform. You are no longer focused or dependent on one orgasm. Instead, sex shifts from being goal-oriented, where an orgasm is the goal, to pleasure and process-oriented sex.

This will allow you to carry this passionate relationship beyond the bedroom. Daily activities stop being mundane, adding to your relationship’s sexual experiences day after day, whether in thoughts, actions, or emotions. Layers of pleasure will be added. You feel alive again and your love is strong.

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The essence of pleasure can be evoked by a strong emotional connection between partners, a highly erotic imagination called Erotic Intelligence (EQ), Fantasies, Artistic Creativity, and Direct Neural Stimulation. It requires being present in the moment while connecting to your body’s sensations.

Here, you are able to enjoy the lightest of sensations, any type of touch or any part of the sexual act because, in essence, you are always in a pleasurable state of art which, in a very refined way, is acting as prolonged foreplay – a state that will start from the last time you had sex with your partner to the coming one.


Not Just a Manic Monday – or Tuesday

When was the last time you actually slowed down and curiously enjoyed some time with yourself ? Take the time to stay connected to your body during the day to maintain an ongoing flirtatiousness with yourself and your partner.

Sex Therapist Brooke Norton, MFT, MLS, gives an example; ‘I like to use the example of peeling and eating a clementine orange, since it does use all five senses: you hold the orange and peel it with your fingers, and you can see and smell the orange, and you can even hear the peel coming away from the flesh of the fruit, and then you taste the slice that you pop into your mouth’.


Another great example is to spend time on the beach. Salt water can awaken your senses while the warm grainy sand underneath your feet can help you connect to your every movement. After all, when you give yourself the time and space to awaken your unheard sensations from all parts of your body, you will feel nourished and recharged.

Find it hard to tune out of your mind? Research has shown that a large number of people are feeling the same way. Fret not, human anatomy shows us that we have a direct neurological mind-body circuitry. You can go the extra mile here and sync your breath to the sound of the waves in order to help you shift your focus back to your body.


There are an unlimited amount of sensual activities to do on your own and with your partner. You can create a personal and private Journal of Scents, Visuals, Fabrics, and Colors that you somehow find arousing. While you do that, your body and emotions will guide you into finding out what arouses you and what doesn’t. At the end of the day, arousal, desire, and intensity are unique and different to each person. Whichever activity of your personal liking you decide to take on during the day, your whole purpose here is to feel good, sensual, and sexy.

Rocking Each Other’s Boats

If sex is the opposite of extinction – to experience optimum pleasure, to procreate and to bring to life – then it allows us to feel connected, vital, present and more alive than ever.